110+ Silly Quotes & Funny Sayings About Getting Older
Welcome to growing older! I’ve always said growing older is better than the alternative, so I use silly quotes and funny sayings about getting older to find humor and fun in the aging process.
My absolute favorite quote-master is Maxine! She is a crabby (but hysterically funny) old lady created by cartoonist, John Wagner, for Hallmark cards. I laugh and enjoy life more today than ever because of Maxine and her sarcastic wit about growing older.
Young people probably can’t relate to Maxine’s funny quotes about aging because they don’t have enough life experience yet. They can’t stand in a Hallmark store and LAUGH OUT LOUD as they read a Maxine card. Don’t tell me you’ve never done that!
Laughing about growing older is half the fun of growing up. How many times have you laughed until pee ran down your legs? That’s something else young people can’t do! It takes a special talent to do that stuff!
To help us all find humor in aging, I’ve collected more than 110 of my favorite witty quotes and funny sayings about growing older to share with you today. Don’t forget we have many things to be thankful for as we age… read these inspirational quotes and enjoy a chuckle as you give thanks for growing up! And the next time you’re in a Hallmark store, check out my friend, Maxine!
Silly Quotes & Funny Sayings About Getting Older
Enjoy these funny quotes about getting old! Remember, laughter is a great healer!
1. “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” — Kitty O’Neill Collins
2. “Old age comes at a bad time. When you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.” — Unknown
3. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” — Woody Allen
4. “You know you’re getting old when you can no longer remember how old you are.” — Unknown
5. “It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” — Andy Rooney
6. “As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” –– Unknown
7. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” — George Burns
8. “I thought getting older would take longer!” — Unknown
9. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” — George Bernard Shaw
0. “If things get better with age, then I must be getting close to fricken magnificent!” — Unknown
11. “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” — George Burns
12. “Aging gracefully is like a fine wine – it takes time and a sense of humor.” – Unknown
13. “The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.” — Doris Day
14. “Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.” — Maya Angelou
15. “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?” — Satchel Paige
16. “With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.” — Oscar Wilde
17. “People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” — George Burns
18. “When you’re over the hill, that’s when you pick up speed.” — Quincy Jones
19. “I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.” — George Burns
20. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” — Bob Hope
21. “If I had known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Anonymous
22. “Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter!” — Satchel Paige
23. “Some guy said to me: ‘Don’t you think you’re too old to sing rock n roll?’ I said: ‘You’d better check with Mick Jagger.’” — Cher
24. “Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” — Jennifer Yane
25. “A midlife crisis is when you reach the top of the ladder and find it’s against the wrong wall.” — Joseph Campbell
26. “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” — Bob Hope
27. “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” — Maurice Chevalier
28. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni
Funny Quotes about Getting Older and Wiser
Have you found your favorite funny quotes about aging? Here are some more of our favorites!
29. “Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” — Benjamin Franklin
30. “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” — Ann Landers
31. “A sense of humor is the best thing to have in this world when you’re really old.” — George Sand
32. “We may be getting older, but that doesn’t mean we have to be boring and act our age!” — Unknown
33. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
34. “Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength. And the opportunity to complain about everything.” — Doris Day
35. “You know you are growing older when Happy Hour is a nap!” — Unknown
36. “Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” — Maggie Kuhn
37. “Old age is when you swap your rollerblades for a walker.” — Ogden Nash
38. “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” — George Burns
39. “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Fred Astaire
40. “I feel about aging the way William Saroyan said he felt about death: ‘Everybody has to do it,’ but I always believed an exception would be made in my case.” — Martha Beck
41. “Back in my day when I was your age, I was already much older!” — Unknown
42. “I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
43. “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
44. “Age is not how old you are, but how many years of fun you’ve had.” — Matt Maldre
45. “Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
46. “I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.” — Unknown
47. “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
48. “Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.” — Carroll Bryant and Walt Disney
49. “Age mellows some people; others it makes rotten.” — Unknown
50. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” — Joan Collins
51. “Middle age ends and senescence begins, the day your descendants outnumber your friends.” — Ogden Nash
52. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” — Woody Allen
53. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
54. “Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.” — George Carlin
55. “I’m getting so old that all my friends in heaven will think I didn’t make it!” — Unknown
56. “I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?” — Barry Cryer
57. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
58. “Being old doesn’t seem so old now that I’m old!” — Unknown
59. “There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it.” — Patrick Moore
60. “Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” — Will Rogers
Laughter is the Best Medicine: Funny Quotes on Aging
Don’t forget to laugh through the extraordinary process of aging! Laughter keeps you young!
61. “When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.” — George Burns
62. “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” — Betty White
63. “You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.” — John Mendoza
64. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni
65. “As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t.” — Carrie Fisher
66. “Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” — Sir Tom Stoppard
67. “As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.” — Robert Quillen
68. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home.” — Phyllis Diller
69. “People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it’s more about the state of your body.” — Geoffrey Parfitt
70. “This whole getting older and being responsible thing is getting in the way of my fun!” — Unknown
71. “I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” — George Burns
72. “For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” — Richard J. Needham
73. “I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.” — Nancy Astor
74. “A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’” — Claude Pepper
75. “I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” — Tom Stoppard
76. “You know you’re getting old when everything hurt. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” — Hy Gardner
77. “I can’t wait to tell my kids I was born before the Internet.” — Unknown
78. “Respect old people. They graduated school without Google or Wikipedia.” — Unknown
79. “In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order.” — Robert Brault
80. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” — George Bernard Shaw
81. “To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
82. “Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do.” — Golda Meier
83. “If you don’t do a lot of stupid things when you’re young, you won’t have a lot of funny things to talk about when you’re old.” — Unknown
84. “Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened!” — Jennifer Yane
85. “It’s not that we have more patience as we grow older, it’s just that we’re too tired to care about all the pointless drama.” — Unknown
86. “Now, people are always asking me, ‘What do you want people to say about you a hundred years from now?’ I always say I want them to say, ‘Dang, don’t she still look good for her age?’” — Dolly Parton
87. “You’re never too old to play. You’re only too old for low-rise jeans.” — Ellen DeGeneres
88. “It’s wonderful to know you’re aging, because that means you’re still on the planet, right?” — Goldie Hawn
89. “The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.” — Jerry M. Wright
More Quotes and Funny Sayings about Getting Older
You can never laugh too much about getting older. As our bodies and minds change, you just never know what’s going to happen next! Enjoy the last group of our favorite quotes and funny sayings about getting older!
90. “Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.” — Caryn Leschen
91. “Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead center of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush to the net.” — Franklin Adams
92. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
93. “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.” — Mark Twain
94. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson
95. “No man is ever old enough to know better.” — Holbrook Jackson
96. “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie
97. “Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” — Jim Fiebig
98. “Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.” — John Wagner
99. “Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” — John Wagner
100. “By the time I retire, I’ll know what I want to be when I grow up.” — Unknown
101. “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” — John Lennon
102. “It takes a long time to become young.” — Pablo Picasso
103. “Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Robert Browning
104. “A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.” –Frank Lloyd Wright
105. “There is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn
106. “At 50, if you are on a diet on your birthday, you can’t eat a piece of your birthday cake. So grab two, a piece in each hand and, lo and behold, you will be on a balanced diet! Happy birthday, old chum!” — Abraham Lincoln
107. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
108. “Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.” — Andy Rooney
109. “Getting older is fine. There is nothing you can do to stop it so you might as well stay on the bus.” — John Byrne
110. “Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!” — Ingrid Bergma
That’s all for now! I hope you’ve enjoyed these silly quotes and funny sayings about getting older. Thanks for being here! And don’t forget to enjoy growing up and getting older because not everyone has the opportunity!
Love to ALL! ~ Susan
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