157 Funny Quotes About Life That Will Make You LOL
Life is full of occasional baffling moments that make you stop and wonder, “Did that really just happen?” or “Is this for real?”
It’s those little quirks of the human experience that make life so entertaining — and sometimes downright ridiculous or hysterical. From the unpredictable to the absurd, there’s plenty to laugh about when it comes to simply being human and living real life.
If witty one-liners are your cup of tea, you’re sure to enjoy these funny quotes that touch upon many aspects of real life — family, work, life, friendship, aging, money, and just about every other real life topic where a good sense of humor is a must.
I’ve personally curated this collection of funny quotes about life lessons, and real life truths, to give us both laugh out loud moments. We’re going to celebrate the silly, the nonsensical, and the wonderfully weird moments of real life!
So, grab your sense of humor, and let’s explore the lighter side of life’s journey together — you might just find the best life lessons come with a hearty laugh and a cheeky grin.
Funny Quotes About Life That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
Laughter is like a magic reset button. It helps us let go of stress, gain perspective, and connect with others over our shared human experience.
These funny quotes about life lessons, and real life truths, that perfectly capture the chaos, wisdom, and humor of the human experience. Get ready to nod along, chuckle, and maybe even think, “Wow, that’s so true!”
You’ll find quotes from comedians, celebrities, movies and TV, inspirational leaders, and more. So get ready to read and enjoy some big ol’ belly laughs!
1. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” ― Tina Fey
2. “The road to true love never did run smooth.” — Shakespeare
3. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
4. “Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson
5. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” — Charlie Brown
6. “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” — Mike Bechtle
7. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
8. “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia Petrillo (The Golden Girls)
9. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
10. “I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allan Poe
11. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” — Maria Bamford
12. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” ― James Branch Cabell
13. “Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” ― Quentin Crisp
14. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” — Ouiser Boudreaux
15. “I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.” — George Carlin
16. “Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.” — Philip K. Dick
17. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel
18. “I am under no obligation to make sense to you.” — The Mad Hatter
19. “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” — Luis Bunuel
20. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom
21. “There is no sunrise that is so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling
22. “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz
23. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” — Sandra Bullock
24. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” — George Carlin
25. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura
26. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
27. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
28. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
29. “Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek
30. “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” — Jack Handy
31. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles M. Schulz
32. “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” — Shirley MacLaine
33. “Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re going to get.” — Forrest Gump
34. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” — Dory (Finding Dory)
35. “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov
36. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” ― Terry Pratchett
37. “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” — George Carlin
38. “There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” — Steven Wright
39. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin
40. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
41. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward
42. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres
43. “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” — Phillis Diller
44. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Unknown
45. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
46. “When I was in school, the teachers told me Practice Makes Perfect. Then they told me Nobody is Perfect, so I stopped PRACTICING.” — Unknown
47. “I think housework is the reason most women go to the office.” — Heloise Cruse
48. “If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while, it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.” — Unknown
Hilarious Quotes About Family Life
49. “Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family.” — Bo Bennett
50. “A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” — Ella Harris
51. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” — Joseph Cossman
52. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
53. “When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.” — Chi Chi Rodriguez
54. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
55. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Halley Reed
56. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ― Erma Bombeck
57. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
58. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine
59. “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.” ― P.J. O’Rourke
60. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
61. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
62. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
63. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin
64. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron
65. “You can fool the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray
66. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
67. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
68. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
69. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ― P. J. O’Rourke
70. “My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.” — Wendy Liebmann
71. “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” — Arnold Haultain
72. “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” — Patrick Murray
73. “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” — Lana Turner
74. “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” — Ellen DeGeneres
75. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” — Calvin Trillin
76. “How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost?” — Unknown
77. “Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.” — Groucho Marx
78. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
79. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” — Charles Wadsworth
80. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” — Lane Ollinghouse
81. “The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.” — Evan Esar
82. “It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.” — Ben Bergor
83. “Don’t know where the kids are in the house? TURN OFF THE INTERNET, and they will show up quickly.” — Unknown
Funny Quotes About Work Life
84. “No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
85. “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” — Dave Barry
86. “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” — Jonathan Clements
87. “When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” — Theodore Roosevelt
88. “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey
89. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edward Bergen
90. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey
91. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
92. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” — Douglas Adams
93. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost
94. “Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” — George Carlin
95. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude MacDonald
96. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi
97. “Whatever you do, always give 100% — unless you’re donating blood.” — Bill Murray
98. “Be like a postage stamp; stick to one thing until you get there.” — Josh Billings
99. “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, some don’t turn up at all.” — Sam Ewing
100. “Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring.” — Steve Maraboli
101. “The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!” — Marvin Phillips
102. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
Silly One-Liner Quotes About Real Life
These are simple, one-line funny quotes about life lessons and real life that will make you laugh. You can use them on social media posts, send them in texts to make your friends laugh, use them as text overlays for your designs, or just enjoy them yourself when you need a good chuckle.
103. “Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it the most never use it.”
104. “Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.”
105. “Remember if a plan fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”
106. “Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them.”
107. “Telling a woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.”
108. “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
109. “I continue to amaze myself with how quickly I can get ready after oversleeping.”
110. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.”
111. “I hate two-faced people. It is so hard to decide which face to slap first.”
112. “Relax. We’re ALL crazy. It’s not a competition.”
113. “If you don’t come to my funeral, I’m not coming to yours.”
114. “If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you’ve never spent the night with a mosquito.” — African Proverb
115. “Maybe if we tell people the brain is an APP, they will use it.”
116. “The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, DOESN’T EXIST.”
117. “Age is just a number, but maturity is optional.”
118. “The first forty years of childhood are the hardest.”
119. “What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired!”
120. “Real life is just a never-ending quest to find the other sock.”
121. “Adulting is saying, ‘Next week will be less busy,’ every week forever.”
122. “Life’s too short to fold fitted sheets—embrace the chaos.”
123. “My favorite exercise? Running out of patience.”
124. “They say money can’t buy happiness, but have they tried buying tacos?”
125. “Real life is turning off the car radio to focus on parallel parking.”
126. “I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.”
127. “Life is just repeatedly hitting ‘remind me later’ on updates—both digital and personal.”
128. “The secret to real life? Snacks in your bag and lowering expectations.”
129. “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade — then add vodka.”
Hysterical Quotes about Friendship
130. “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” — Bernard Meltzer
131. “If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.” — Oprah Winfrey
132. “A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a body.” — Jim Hayes
133. “We’ve been friends so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” — Unknown
134. “Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.” — Unknown
135. “Friends make you smile — best friends make you giggle ’til you pee your pants.” — Terri Guillemets
136. “Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.” — Unknown
137. “Friends don’t let friends do stupid things… alone.” — Unknown
138. “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” — C.S. Lewis
139. “We’ll be friends forever because you already know too much.” — Unknown
140. “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson
141. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
142. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” — Lillian Donovan
143. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” — Oprah Winfrey
144. “Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” — Sicilian Proverb
145. “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” — Marlene Dietrich
146. “I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places.” — Mark Twain
147. “Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.” — Samuel Butler
148. “Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.” — Unknown
149. “You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.” — Unknown
150. “A friend is someone who knows all your stories. A best friend helps you write them.” — Unknown
151. “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… unless they can film it.” — Unknown
152. “Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.” — Unknown
153. “We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.” — Unknown
154. “A true friend stabs you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde
155. “Friends come and go like waves of the ocean, but true ones stick like an octopus on your face.” — Unknown
156. “Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” — Unknown
157. “You don’t have to be insane to hang out with me. But it helps.” — Unknown
Final Thoughts: Funny Quotes About Life Lessons
Laughter is one of life’s greatest gifts, and these funny quotes about life remind us to find humor in the everyday chaos.
Whether it’s the quirks of family and friends, the absurdities of work, or the mysteries of aging, there’s always something to smile and laugh about.
So, whenever life feels a little too serious, come back to these lighthearted words and let the laughter bring a little extra joy to your day.
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Love to ALL! ~ Susan
Which Are Your Favorite Funny Quotes About Life?
Please share your favorites in the comment section below:)
